Originally published in Revia Year End Special 1993
The Cyberleader has been with Doctor Who since 1975. So, with
nearly two decades of experience on the programme, Revia decided
that he would be the perfect candidate for an interview. He
wasn't all that hard to track down, and we soon agreed to
meet at McDonald's. We figured he would just want to promote
the latest CyberBook, Iceberg, but he had more than literature
on his mind...
Revia: CyberLeader, thanks for coming. We also
have a special signed copy of last issue's Gatefold Cover
in partial thanks.
CL: Excellent!
Revia: So, CyberLeader, tell us a little about
yourself.
CL: I am the Leader of the Cybermen. We shall
become the rulers of the universe. All others must be destroyed.
Revia: Is that a short-term or long-term goal?
CL: Both.
Revia: I see. Now, how do you plan on killing
everyone else off?
CL: (raising his gun) As you can see, we have
small weapons to kill puny creatures like you. (he fires the
gun, killing a teen cooking fries) They are completely effective.
To destroy in quantity, we have larger weapons, also completely
effective.
Revia: Well, what if, before you could kill
someone, they took a big hunk of gold and rubbed it on your
chest?
CL: Your question is irrelevant. No human could
react fast enough or obtain enough gold to complete that action.
Your threats are empty.
Revia: Yeah, well, what about Earthshock?
CL: No comment.
Revia: Thought so. So, what's this new book
that's coming out soon, Iceberg? Do you feature heavily in
it?
CL: It does not matter. Human literature is
wasteful. The Cybermen need no books. We are fully programmed
with the knowledge we need.
Revia: So you haven't read it, then?
CL: (pauses) No.
Revia: Well, have you or haven't you?
CL: [says nothing]
Revia: So you lose in that one too.
CL: Human literature is wasteful! The Cybermen
need no ---
Revia: Okay! Ok, I think we've got that straight.
So what are your current plans?
CL: The CyberRace shall dominate all.
Revia: Oh, come on. You've got something else
you want to do, don't you? Some secret plan, a hobby you'd
like to pursue? You can tell us; only six people will read
this interview before throwing it away.
CL: (quietly) I would take special - (pauses)
- pleasure in destroying the one known as the Doctor.
Revia: Ah-ha! Gotcha! Cybermen DO display emotions
after all!
CL: Only the weak display emotions. The CyberRace
need no such weaknesses.
Revia: So you don't want to kill the Doctor?
CL: Yes, - no! That is to say, of course the
Doctor will be destroyed. All puny beings must perish before
the mighty power of the Cybermen.
Revia: Defeated you ten times out of ten, and
yet he's still just a puny being?
CL: Elev- (stops himself)
Revia: Eleven? That's right, you were just saying
how you lose in Iceberg as well.
CL: (loudly) The Doctor will not survive his
next encounter with the Cybermen. He will be crushed! (he
demonstrates by squeezing the life from his empty McNugget
container)
Revia: So, if and when Doctor Who returns to
our screens, we can expect you back as well?
CL: Yes! (he rises from his seat) The Doctor
and all of his puny friends shall be destroyed. (striding
towards the door, which he crashes through) We shall destroy
them. They shall be destroyed....
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